Ron and Hermione's Crazy Wedding
by WeebleWobbler
Summary: The day has finally come when Ron and Hermione are to be wed. But it's not going to be a normal wedding. There's going to be... stalkers, itching powder, and exploding cakes! RR love it or shove it


Konnichiwa minna-san! Moon Angel signin' in! My first HP fic. YAY! Actually, it's my friend's, but with her permission I fixed it up and posted it. R/R; Love it or shove it  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.  
  
~*Ron and Hermione's (Crazy) Wedding*~  
  
When the word 'wedding' comes to mind, what do you think of? I see a big church, tons of happy guests, a handsome groom, a priest who looks like he could die any minute, and a beautiful bride, about to fulfill her dream of marriage. And that's basically the scene for Hermione's wedding. But of course, when you add in two pranksters, things are bound to go wrong. Very wrong.  
  
Everything was to be going smoothly. Hermione was waiting outside for her time to shine. She turned to her maiden of honor, Susan Bones and asked, "Do I look fine? Is anything out of place?"  
  
Susan smiled, "Yes, you look lovely. Everything is wonderful."  
  
Meanwhile inside, Ron was having a breakdown.  
  
"I'm *so* nervous! Can't we wait at least one more day?" he asked his best, none other than Harry.  
  
"Look at it like this, at least you're the one marrying Hermione and not Krum," he reassured the groom. Ron sighed of relief and Harry reminisced, "You look all pale and crud like the morning before your first quidditch game in our fifth year."  
  
Ron frowned, "Please don't remind me of that." He stared at the main doorway and sighed. What was taking so long?  
  
Mr. Granger was pacing back and forth in front of his daughter. "All right, you remember how to do this?"  
  
Hermione grinned, "Daddy, we had a practice wedding a few days ago, remember? I'll be fine."  
  
Before Mr. Granger could reply, 'Here Comes the Bride' began to play, and he grabbed her arm. "Here we go."  
  
The doors opened wide and they began to slowly make their way down the aisle.  
  
"I still can't believe we're in a real muggle church Molly!" Mr. Weasley was in awe. "It's so..."  
  
"Hush Arthur! Here comes Hermione!" A smile curled on Mrs. Weasley's lips. "I'm so happy for them! I think I'm going to cry!"  
  
Hermione took her place next to Ron and the priest began his speech. "Friends, we are gathered here today to join in holy matrimony..."  
  
"So anyway, as a gag, I put itching powder in Ron's underwear. Genius, eh?" Fred whispered to his twin.  
  
"Really? I did too!" George grinned.  
  
"Great minds think alike."  
  
Ron stood aghast. The itching powder was starting to kick in. It took all his might for him not to scratch himself. Hermione also noticed his effort.  
  
"What are you doing?" she hissed through her teeth.  
  
He pretended to ignore her.  
  
"Do you, Hermione Granger, take Ronald Weasley to be your lawful wedded husband?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"And do you Ronald Weasley take Hermione Granger to be your lawful wedded wife?"  
  
"I do."  
  
The priest took a breath, "Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."  
  
Yes, yes, now comes the mushy kissy part. When they parted from the kiss, Hermione said to her new husband, "I tasted Fire Whisky. Explain."  
  
"Well that was," Ron stammered. "Listen, I'm not drunk, and I'm over the drinking age."  
  
"That's right..."  
  
The reception was normal so far. Ron still had a strong urge to itch himself, and just as he was about to go to the bathroom, the DJ announced, "And now, for the newlywed couple's first dance."  
  
While dancing, Ron thought, 'Must... kill... Fred... George...'  
  
"I can see the itching powder's working like a charm," George observed.  
  
Fred grinned, "You betcha. Won't be much longer now 'till he loses it."  
  
Mrs. Weasley was becoming very disturbed of Ron's actions, "What's Ron doing, Arthur?"  
  
"I have no clue..."  
  
After the dance, Ron excused himself and ran to the men's room. The cutting of the cake was in about 10 minutes, so he could get back easily right?  
  
Ron ran in, locked the door, and turned on the sink to rinse out the powder.  
  
20 minutes later...  
  
"Excuse me, I have to go find my husband," Hermione stomped over to the men's room. She pulled on the handle, but it didn't work since he locked himself in. So she pulled out her wand, muttered, Alohomora, and walked in.  
  
"What the hell are you.!" Hermione stopped mid-sentence to see Ron standing over the sink with his underpants in his hands and obviously nothing covering down below.  
  
"I CAN EXPLAIN!" Ron pulled up his quickly and stood to face his wife. "Fred and George put itching powder in my boxers this morning! I had to wash it out!"  
  
"Why didn't you use magic?" she sighed.  
  
"My wand is in my suitcase!"  
  
She shook her head and pointed her wand at Ron's underwear, "Evanesco water and itching powder. Now get changed and get back out there. We're supposed to cut the cake."  
  
He nodded, "Right", and pushed Hermione out of the men's room.  
  
Five minutes later, Ron dashed out of the bathroom and met Harry halfway.  
  
"What took you so long?" Harry asked. Ron explained the whole situation, then Harry said, "Oh. That explains why you were trying to itch yourself at the alter."  
  
Ron mumbled, "Don't remind me."  
  
After Ron worked his way over to the cake, Harry muttered, "Can't I remind you of anything?"  
  
Hermione smiled as Fred handed her the knife to cut the cake with, "Here 'ya go, sis-in-law."  
  
George chuckled, "Enjoy."  
  
Seamus, who was pushing his way through the crowd finally made it to the front. He stared eagerly as Hermione dug the knife into the cake. Then...  
  
KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM!  
  
Filibuster Fireworks exploded out of the cake, which went flying across the hall. Seamus, who ran back to the table was yelling, "MY EYEBROWS ARE GONE!"  
  
Ron was furious, "FIRST MY BOXERS NOW THE CAKE! WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT?"  
  
But Fred and George were laughing too hard to hear any of their little brother's comments.  
  
Hermione tried to make the best of it, "C'mon now. That wasn't so bad. All we have to do now is open a mountain load of gifts and send howlers to everybody whom we invited that didn't attend."  
  
"Who didn't come?" Harry appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"Well there was..."  
  
Before Hermione could begin the list Colin Creevey apparated and asked Harry, "Can I take a picture you?"  
  
"Go find someone else to stalk, Colin."  
  
"Well, if you're going to be rude about it..." He apparated out of the hall.  
  
"Neville didn't come," Hermione tried to list again.  
  
"I heard his nimbulus mimbletonia had a rupture," Ron told her. But then seeing his wife glaring at him he covered, "But, what's more important, really, his plants or his friends?"  
  
Harry looked around, "Hey, Krum isn't here."  
  
Hermione looked crestfallen, "It's tragic, isn't it? He got hit in the head with two bludgers at once and lost his memory."  
  
Harry shrugged and looked over his shoulder, "Hey there's Cho and Michael Corner... and they have... kids?! Ron, where's the fire whisky?" He then stopped himself from shaking Ron and said, "No, wait, never mind I'm over her."  
  
After the gifts were opened, the newlywed couple head back to their hotel room.  
  
"Don't worry Hermione," Ron yawned. "I'm too tired to do nasty stuff with you tonight."  
  
"So there really is a God..." Hermione grinned and pulled the covers over her head. "G'night Ron."  
  
About 10 minutes later Hermione was fast asleep. Ron was lying on the bed when Crookshanks jumped up and managed to scare Ron off the bed. ("Holy sh- !") The longhaired kitty hissed and swatted fiercely every time Ron tried to move him.  
  
"This is gonna be a long night..." Ron shook his head and collapsed in a chair close to the bed.  
  
The next morning Hermione woke up and said, "G'morning Ron." She saw her cat sleeping. "Crookshanks? What're you doing up here?" She picked up the cat and laced him back in his cat bed.  
  
Ron whined, "Honey, please make sure your cat doesn't do that again."  
  
"All right. You get some sleep," Hermione smiled. Ron hopped in the bed and fell asleep right away. Hermione then pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote:  
  
Dear Viktor,  
  
I know you don't know who I am, but I've just got to tell you about my wedding...  
  
~*FIN*~  
  
~*Moon Angel's Notes*~  
  
So, what did you think? Please review! NO FLAMES! LOVE IT OR SHOVE IT! Ja ne! Moon Angel signin' off! 


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